Randomness
by XxEviexX
Summary: Title self explanitory. Funny, I hope. Rated T for a few reasons. Err, you might not want to read if you adore Minerva...
1. Chapter 1

_**I know I should be updating The Destined Love, but I felt like doing this instead.**_

Artemis: I like bananas.

Holly: Huh?

Artemis: I like bananas.

Holly: Oo

Artemis: _What?_

Lili: (calmly) My underwear is on fire.

Root: WELL, PUT IT OUT BEFORE I KICK YOU OUT OF RECON!!!

Lili: I'm not _in_ Recon.

Root: (Explodes)

Holly: (Cries) Not again…

Artemis: (snogs Holly)

Holly: (snogs back)

Trouble: (Shoots Artemis with a Neutrino)

Holly: (cries)

Trouble: (snogs Holly)

Juliet: (Karate chops Holly)

Trouble: (cries)

Juliet: (snogs Trouble)

Mulch: (knocks Trouble out with gas)

Juliet: (Cries)

Mulch: (snogs Juliet)

Me: (rolls eyes) Will someone actually say something? This is not going to turn into a stupid fic in which everyone snogs everyone else!!! We need randomness, people!!!

Opal: Who wants truffles??? (to me) Random enough for you?

Me: No.

Opal: (sighs) I am sooo unappreciated…

Foaly: That's my line!!!

Opal: So? (gets into catfight with Foaly)

Me: (sighs) this still isn't random enough…

Red balloon: (pops)

Yoda: Popped the balloon has…

Me: (kicks Yoda out of fic) (wags fist) Go bother Obi Wan or something!!!

Minerva: Hi!

Everyone (including those previously knocked out that have woken up): …

Minerva: What?

Me: (blinks twice) GET HER!!!

Everyone except Artemis: (start to beat up Minerva)

Artemis: NOOOO! My one true love!!!

Holly: (Comes out of fight) (snogs Artemis)

Artemis: Never mind... (continues snogging Holly)

Angeline: (wipes tear) My little Arty's growing up…

Me: THIS IS NOT RANDOM!!!

No. 1: The guinea pigs are attacking!!!

Everyone: (doesn't pay attention)

No. 1: (cries)

Me: (stabs Minerva)

Minerva: (dies)

0.01 percent of AF fans: NOOOOOOO!!! NOT MINERVA!!!

AH fans: WHOOHOO!!

Dumbledore: Who wants a lemon drop?

Harry: YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Hermione: That's logically impossible.

Chix: You're hot!

Hermioine: (rolls eyes)

Me: (on megaphone) WILL ALL HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS PLEASE GO TO YOUR OWN SECTION OF FANFICTION!!! I REPEAT, WILL ALL HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS PLEASE GO TO YOUR OWN SECTION OF FANFICTION!!!

Harry: Alright, alright. Jeez…

Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione: (leave)

Butler: (starts singing My Humps by Black Eyed Peas)

Artemis: (hums along)

Juliet: (starts clipping her nails)

Mulch: (passes wind)

Grub: I want my mummy!!!

Vulture: (circles over Minerva)

Trouble: (starts building a house)

Lili: Does anyone want to smell my feet?

Chix: (stares at Holly's chest)

Artemis: (has Butler knock out Chix, on account that he's to weak to do it)

Holly: Thank you, Butler.

Artemis: (Sulks)

Mulch: (dies)

Juliet: I'm gonna miss his stink… (cries)

Trouble: (snogs Juliet)

Me: Has anyone noticed a plot hole in this?

Everone: (shakes head)

Me: Well, at first Trubs-

Trouble: Don't call me that!

Me: -wanted to snog Holly, but now he's snogging Juliet.

Chix: So? What's wrong with that?

Me: Never mind…

Trouble: (shrugs)(goes back to snogging Juliet)

Foaly: Me and Opal are done fighting now.

Artemis: (correcting Foaly) Opal and I

Everyone: (Ignores)

Artemis: (cries)

Holly: (snogs Artemis)

Bird: (poops)

Mulch: Did anyone miss me?

Juliet: (stops crying) (Hugs Mulch)

Trouble: (Sulks)

Holly: (snogs Trouble)

Artemis: (sulks)

Holly: (snogs Artemis)

Butler: (Starts talking to fist)

Artemis: (looks at him weirdly)

Butler: Oh, how rude of me. Artemis, meet my friend, Mr. Fist.

Artemis: Oo

_**Should I continue this or not? Please review!!!**_


	2. Chapter 2

Me: Who wants a blueberry muffin??

Everyone: Oooh!!! Me! (scramble to get muffins)

Opal: Are they **CHOCOLATE?**

Me: Uhh, no. They're blueberry, hence the name, "blueberry muffins"

Lili: Pfft, duh! (flips hair)

Mulch: (picks nose)

Juliet: (high pitched giggle) Oh Mulchie, you're SOO funny!!

Trouble: (sulks)

Holly: (fires Neutrino)

Doodah: I can drive anything. ANYTHING, I SAY!!!

Butler: (Dies)

Artemis: Oh no!!! (cries)

Holly: (snogs Artemis)

Trouble: (sulks)

Chix: Hi everybody!!!

Everyone: (ignores)

No. 1: (Whizzes past in a wheelchair) WHEEEEE!!!!

Root: WHY ARE YOU IN A WHEELCHAIR, PRIVATE!?!?!

Holly: (hugs Root) Julius, you're back!!!

Root: DON'T CALL ME JULIUS!!! (explodes)

No. 1: I'm not a private.

Artemis: (rolls eyes) Yeah, there's the headline…

Holly: (cries)

Artemis: (snogs Holly)

Minerva: (comes back from dead) (sulks)

Me: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DIE MINERVA, DIE!!!!!!!!! (stabs Minerva)

Minerva: (dies)

Everyone: (ignores)

Grub: Hey, did anyone else notice that the sky is blue?

No. 1: Duh!! I discovered that, like, YESTERDAY!!!

Grub: (cries)

Opal: TRUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!

Butler: (comes back from the dead) Say, Artemis, did you, by any chance, happen to know why all my underwear is pink?

Artemis: (shifty eyes) Uhh, no?

Butler: Oh, okay, then. (dies)

Foaly: Has anyone seen my hat?

Holly: I think Mulch had it.

Mulch: (shifty eyes) I needed it.

Artemis: What could you possibly need a tinfoil hat for?

Mulch: (shifty eyes) Nothing…

Chix: Say, Holly, will you marry me?

Holly: (ignores)

Trouble: (snickers)

Juliet: (starts watering her rhododendrons)

Lili: The cow jumped over the moon!!

No. 1: The MOON?! **MY** MOON!!!!!

Minerva: (comes back from dead)

Me: Ugh, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO KILL YOU?!?!?!?! I guess I gotta call in a friend.

Minerva: (eyes widening) You don't mean…

Me: Oh, I mean. (on megaphone) CALLING SHANNON!! PLEASE HELP ME KILL MINERVA!!!

Xx Artemis Rox mi Sox xX (aka Shannon): Whoohoo!!!

Minerva: (starts whimpering)

Opal: (looks delighted at watching someone getting beat up)

Holly: Ooooh, can I help?!!

Shannon: Yeah!!!

Me, Shannon, Holly: (beat Minerva to a pulp)

Artemis: (observes, mildly amused)

Chix: You know, watching girls fight is sort of hot.

Trouble: Yeah, especially when it's Holly.

Artemis: (scowls)

Juliet: (Suddenly notices me, Shannon, and Holly beating up Minerva) (gets into fight)

Minerva: (dies)

Me, Shannon, Juliet, Holly: (dust off hands)

Me: I have a feeling she's gonna be back next chapter.

Harry: (to Juliet) You're hot!!!

Juliet: (rolls eyes)

Shannon: (to me) May I?

Me: Please.

Shannon: (stabs Harry)

Hermione, Ginny: (cry)

Ron: (completely oblivious)

Voldemort: (to Shannon) I was supposed to do that!!!

Me: (Rolls eyes) Will Harry Potter characters PLEASE leave before I have to make this a crossover fic?!?!?!?

Voldemort: Jeez, talk about party pooper…

Voldemort, Hermione, Ginny, Ron: (leave)

Me: This isn't random enough.

Artemis: Did you know that my middle name is Millie?

Me: Never mind.

Trouble: (rolling on the floor in a mad laughing fit) Millie?!?!?!

Grub: We'll, it isn't any better than you're REAL name, Trouble!

Trouble: Don't you dare…

Grub: It's Wilmurding!!!

Everyone: …

Holly: (bursts out laughing)

Everyone: (follows suit)

Shannon: So, yeah… I'll be going now…

Everyone: (ignores)

Shannon: (cries)

Me: What was that, Shannon?

Shannon: I'm leaving.

Me: Wait!!! I have to show you something, first!

Butler: (comes back from dead) (dies again)

Artemis: (cries)

Holly: (Snogs Artemis)

Shannon: SQUEE!!!!!

Me: SQUEEEEE!!!!

Shannon: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Me and Shannon: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shannon: (disappears)

Me: (cries)

_(disco ball spins and 70's music starts to play)_

Juliet: Oooh! Shiny!!!

Opal: MYYYYYYY TRUUUUUUUFFFFFLLLLEEEEESSSSS!!!

Chix: Oi, Holly! How 'bout dancin' with the Chix-man!

Holly: (ignores)

Grub: Hey, I just had an idea for a book!!!

Everyone: (ignores)

Grub: (leaves)

Mulch: (passes wind)

_20 minutes later…_

Grub: I'm back with my new series of books!!!

Everyone: (suddenly interested)

Artemis: What is it about?

Grub: It's about this Irish genius kid that kidnaps a fairy for gold!!! But later they become friends!!! And they go on many adventures together to save the world!!! And they LOVE each other!!!!

Eoin Colfer: Now, why does that sound familiar?

Everyone: (ignores) (suddenly loose interest in Grub's books)

Butler: Why do I have so little lines in this chapter?

Me: Uh, you're dead.

Butler: Oh, well can I come alive again now?

Me: Whatever.

Holly: PISS COLORED POTATO SALAD!!!!!!

Bird: (poops on Harry's corpse)

Random goblin: (licks eyeballs)

Me: Ugh, this chapter isn't funny. But review to make me happy. Please?

Everyone: (puppy dog face)


	3. Chapter 3

_**Yay! I'm not dead!! Err, right. This is a stupid chapter, but, REVIEW! BTW, I left out something in this chapter that I had in both previous ones. What is it? **_

Butler: Oooh, pink!

Holly: Oooh, lipstick!

Artemis: Oooh, Teletubbies!

Everyone: (stares)

Artemis: Err, I mean, Oooh, computer!!

Sool: Did someone say TELETUBBIES!?!

Everyone: (Points at Artemis)

Sool: Squee! I LOVE Teletubbies!! Po is like, soooo cute!

Artemis: I like Tinkie Winkie.

Everyone: (stares)

Artemis: (shifty eyes) Hey look!! It's a dragon!! (hides)

Minerva: (rolls eyes) Genii should KNOW that there are no such thing as dragons…

Me: (is too busy watching Titanic to notice that Minerva is alive)

Juliet: If there's no such thing as dragons, then why is there one right there?

Norwegian Ridgeback: (appears, destroys everything, and eats all AF characters except for Minerva)

Hagrid: Norbert!! Yeh back!

Harry, Hermione, Ron: (roll eyes)

Me: (to Harry) Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Readers who haven't read DH: (gasp) Is that a spoiler?? (remembers previous chapter) Never mind!

Harry: Well, so is she (points to Minerva)

Me: Good point, if you'll excuse the pun. (gets out nonexistent cell phone and dials random numbers) I've called in some more friends!!

Xx Artemis Rox mi Sox xX (Shannon), XxTotallyObsessedxX (Nikki), and missLivia (Liv): (fall through portal which separates reality from my world)

Shannon: (evil maniac look) Where is she?!

Me: We're all going to ignore her until she's stupid enough to speak up.

Nikki: Like, OMG! I LOVE High School Musical!

Me: I thought you hated it?

Nikki: Oh, yeah.

Me: O.o

Liv: (rolls eyes at the immaturity of the world)

Artemis: (comes out of hiding) Is everyone gone yet?

Everyone: (mysteriously appear out of nowhere) Nope

Minerva: I'm still here, Arty!!

Me: Get her.

Shannon, Nikki, Liv, Me, Holly, Juliet: (attack Minerva)

Artemis: (Watches, rolling his eyes at the immaturity of… Oh wait. I already said that. Watches, trying not to laugh his head off)

Minerva: (Is kicked off a random cliff)

Liv: Can we leave now?

Me: No.

Liv: Okay.

Me: Okay, this IS NOT FUNNY!! Seriously, it sucks.

Artemis: You got that ri-

Holly: -elbows Artemis- -to Artemis- Shhh! –to me- No! It's not sucky at all! –twitches-

Me: I'm gonna start using hyphens now! -claps hands-

Shannon: Ooh! Pretty hyphens!!

Nikki: Wipe off that makeup, what's in is _despair._

Readers: Huh?

Liv, Shannon, Me: Inside joke. She does that a lot…

Nikki: -sheepish grin-

Chix: I wonder what color underwear I'm wearing today…

Lily: I dunno. What is it?

Readers: You spelled her name wrong!!

Me: -rolls eyes- Lily EVANS!!

HP fans who remember: Oh, ok.

HP fans who don't remember: Huh?

Me: -exasperated sigh- Lily Potter.

HP fans who NOW remember: OOOOHHHH

Shannon: -pokes Artemis-

Artemis: -sighs- -pokes back-

Grub: -pokes Holly-

Holly: -tackles Grub-

Trouble: -watches little brother being beat up- -doesn't care-

Nikki: -to no one in particular- Go hump a tree!!

No. 1: Okay. -starts humping random tree that appeared out of nowhere-

Qwan: -smacks No. 1- Retard! -to Liv- You too!!

Liv: Hmph! Go stick your head in a puddle of disease.

No. 1: Oka-

Qwan: -smacks again-

Imani: -gets sucked into my world- Hey! I don't even LIKE Artemis Fowl!!

Everyone: -le gasp (sorry. Another inside joke…)-

Shannon: Oh no she DIDN'T!!!

Everyone: -advances to Imani-

Imani: -gets sucked back into reality-

Liv: Stupid solitaire…

Artemis: I feel ya, sister.

Holly: -le gasp-

Artemis: Not like that.

Nikki: I ate a teenager.

Everyone: -inches away slowly-

Nikki: What?

Shannon: Last line!!

_**Yeah, I know it was sucky. REVIEW! **_

_**Check out my forum: Adopt a Plot. It's awesome. Really. Ok, so it's not TOTALLY awesome yet. But that's cuz YOU haven't posted… **_


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